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Getting to know: DRUNK HULK.

April 14, 2010 \pm\30 4:36 pm

[In which WWAATD asks vapid questions culled from various teen magazines to non-vapid, non-teenager types.]

Full Name: DRUNK HULK!
Age: LADY NO EVER TELL!
Height: 7 OR 8 FOOT DEPEND ON DRUNK HULK SLOUCH!
Currently Live:
IN HEART ALL OVER WORLD!
Instruments:
TEXAS! MUSICAL!

What was your most embarrassing audition moment? DRUNK HULK AUDITION PART IN PUNKY BREWSTER ONCE! DRUNK HULK READ FOR PART OF BROTHER! DRUNK HULK GET GO IN AND MEET EVERYONES! DRUNK HULK TELL YOU! DRUNK HULK WAS MONEY! IT STAR ROLE! DRUNK HULK PRACTICE FOR WEEK! SO DRUNK HULK READ WITH CAST DIRECTOR! DRUNK HULK LITERAL START CRY! CAST DIRECTOR WHO READ WITH DRUNK HULK KIND GET CAUGHT UP IN VIBE! BOTH KIND OF CRY! BUT KIND OF CRY THAT LIKE TRY NO CRY! IT EMBARRASSING!

If you could live in any past era which would it be and why?
DRUNK HULK LIKE GO BACK 5000 YEAR TO BEGIN OF EARTH! AND LIVE WITH DINOSAUR! AND BUDDHA! AND MARK TWAIN! AND THEN HANG OUT WITH FOUNDING FATHER! MAYBE HELP WRITE CONSTITUTION OF INDEPENDENCE!

Who is your role model and why?
DRUNK HULK ROLE MODEL IS MASTER SPLINTER! BECAUSE HE SINGLE DAD WITH FOUR KID! AND HE MASTER OF NINJUTSU!

What do you do for fun? DRUNK HULK DRINK! AND EXPRESS SELF 140 CHARACTER AT TIME! IT LIKE LIFE OF RENEGADE HAIKU MASTER!

Do you have a good luck charm? YES! DRUNK HULK EAT BOWL EVERY MORNING! IT MAGICAL DELICIOUS!

Wackiest fan encounter: DRUNK HULK GOT NO FAN! DRUNK HULK PREFER AIR CONDITION!

Before I die, I want to: LIVE! DRUNK HULK WANT LIVE!

When I fly I have to have:
SKY MALL CATALOG! DRUNK HULK MUST KNOW ABOUT ALL NEW INVENTION DRUNK HULK NO NEED! BUT MUST HAVE!

My coolest article of clothing:
APPARENTLY IT DRUNK HULK CAP! ALL PEOPLES CARE SO MUCH ABOUT IT!

My first financial splurge was:
DRUNK HULK BUY BOARDWALK! PARK PLACE! AND NORTH CAROLINA AVENUE! DRUNK HULK MAD WITH POWER ON THAT MONOPOLY NIGHT!

Yes, there's a DRUNK HULK CLIFF NOTES Twitter account.

When friends come over, we: HAVE PILLOW FIGHT! READ MAGAZINE IN PAJAMA! AND TALK ABOUT HOW YUCKY BOYS ARE!

Do you like to cook? If so, what?
WHATEVER NIGELLA SEDUCE! DRUNK HULK COOK!

If you could interview any celeb whom would it be and why? DRUNK HULK INTERVIEW SALMA HAYEK! BUT INSTEAD OF INTERVIEW! IT BE MORE LIKE ROMANCE DINNER! AND THERE BE CANDLE! AND DRUNK HULK SWEAT AND STUTTER LOT!

I’ll eat sushi, but not:
DRUNK HULK! UNLESS DRUNK HULK WAS GIANT NACHO! THEN DRUNK HULK TOTALLY EAT CRUNCHY SELF!

If you could be granted 3 wishes, they’d be…
THAT THIS INTERVIEW NO BE SO LONG! FOR SERIOUS! YOU LIKE CTHULHU VERSION OF LARRY KING! ONE MORE QUESTION AND DRUNK HULK GO INSANE!

What are your best and worst subjects in school? AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!

If I could gay-marry anyone in the world, he/she would be… DRUNK HULK WOULD GAY MARRY CRAP OUT OF MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI!  

What’s the last thing that made you cry? DRUNK HULK CRY LIKE LITTLE GIRL WHEN LEARN HOW MUCH SARAH PALIN MAKE TO SPEAK ABOUT NOTHING FOR UNIVERSITY! WISH DRUNK HULK HAVE SPEAK FEE!

What would people be surprised to know about you? THAT DRUNK HULK NO REAL! THAT IT REALLY WRITER PRETEND BE DRUNK HULK!

If you had to name one song as your theme song, what would it be? DRUNK HULK KEEP IT SIMPLE! JUST SOME SLOW DEPRESS PIANO MUSIC WILL DO!

Check out the DRUNK HULK Flickr page.

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10 Comments
  1. @kattcalls permalink
    April 14, 2010 \pm\30 4:49 pm 4:49 pm

    DRUNKHULK IS REAL! IN MY HEART!

    Thanks for the info on the CliffNotes. All this Googling was getting really embarrassing.

    • April 14, 2010 \pm\30 4:52 pm 4:52 pm

      The Cliff Notes, it seems to me, is vital if you really want to understand what DRUNK HULK be saying. But for some it might just be the music of what DRUNK HULK says, his barbaric yawp.

  2. April 14, 2010 \pm\30 5:07 pm 5:07 pm

    I love DRUNK HULK. I have been following him for a while now and he makes me laugh at least once a day, usually after a good 2 Mississippi for my brain to process. Those are the best kind of laughs.

    • April 14, 2010 \pm\30 5:31 pm 5:31 pm

      Well said, Jeff. He’s kind of like Dennis Miller in his prime combined with, well, DRUNK HULK.

  3. April 14, 2010 \pm\30 5:41 pm 5:41 pm

    You’ve out-Nestered yourself this time, Nester. DRUNKHOLK is my new hero.

  4. April 14, 2010 \pm\30 5:49 pm 5:49 pm

    Fabulous interview. DRUNK HULK cheers me up every day.

  5. April 14, 2010 \pm\30 6:18 pm 6:18 pm

    I always wondered what would push me to get a Twitter account. ME NEED DRUNK HULK EVERY DAY!

  6. April 14, 2010 \pm\30 7:33 pm 7:33 pm

    So fun to read DRUNK-HULK-speak silently in your head in whatever voice you ascribe to him. Today, for me, DRUNK HULK sounds like Cookie Monster swallowed Mikey Rourke with a dash of–well– DRUNK HULK OF COURSE!

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