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The astrology of rejection letters: Capricorn.

August 3, 2010 \pm\31 2:30 pm

Dear Landon,

We recently increased our reading fee to $10.00 ($10.00 per word that is) with a .37% interest rate every time you use the letter “O” in an exclamatory phrase (i.e. “O bleeding arch of St. Louis!” “O spaghetti carbonara in the trundle bed!” “O Mandy!”)

We’re running a business here, Landon, not some DIY ballyhoo.

Seeing as you failed to include the total fee of $3376.15, we have not found a place for your work. However, you might want to consider investing in our hedge fund. While Poets and Writers calls us a Ponzi scheme, many previously-unpublished poets such as yourself would beg to differ.

Regards,

The Editors

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4 Comments
  1. August 3, 2010 \pm\31 2:41 pm 2:41 pm

    Dear Editors,

    Enclosed you will find a money order for $103,376.15. I am very happy to pay the reading fee, seeing as I once read a few poems myself and fully understand the demands a journal has on an editor.

    You may be wondering about the extra $100,000.00. Well, here’s the thing. Seeing as you are the editors of a very prestigious magazine (I never read Poets & Writers, anyways), I know I can trust you with this money. Please send me a check for $100,000.00. My bank does not let me write money orders for less than $100,000.00 (USD) and they do not believe in checks (part of the reason I love my bank, because I was once thefted of my identity and stolen of my checks). Hence hence hence the money order.

    I look forward to hearing from you about the status of my submission.

    Yours,

    Landon

  2. August 3, 2010 \pm\31 6:59 pm 6:59 pm

    O, please will you write a Cancer Rejectoscope?!?

  3. Keith S. Wilson permalink
    August 5, 2010 \pm\31 8:52 pm 8:52 pm

    O, That’s what I need! A ponzi scheme!

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