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James Franco enters the teaching market, 2013.

August 12, 2010 \am\31 10:43 am

POSITION: Five-year fixed-term appointment, English, 4/4
INSTITUTION: Research I university, Midwest, 36,000 undergraduates
INTERVIEW NOTES: Candidate is an Americanist, with MFAs in screenwriting and fiction from NYU and Columbia. Completed Yale dissertation, entitled “The Postwar Bro-Down: Homosocial Entanglement in Mailer, Roth and Updike,” in three years. Predoctoral work in television and motion picture industry. Despite impressive educational background, candidate seemed unfamiliar with composition and rhetoric pedagogy. Additionally reluctant to commit to four sections of freshman composition a semester. Repeatedly and inappropriately expressed interest in teaching literature courses and pursuing original research.
DECISION: Position offered to faculty spouse.

POSITION: Tenure-track, creative writing (fiction/creative non-fiction), 2/2
INSTITUTION: Liberal arts college, New England, 3,000 undergraduates
INTERVIEW NOTES: Candidate is a writer-actor in the Sam Shepard mold. Would bring youth, vigor, hint of danger to department. Highly recommended. One caveat: candidate uncomfortable with overtures made to assess collegiality; stated “don’t look at me that way; don’t touch me there.”
DECISION: Offer made to candidate. Position later eliminated by budget cuts.

POSITION: Various, English, 3/3
INSTITUTION: Agricultural and technical university, Texas, 28,000 undergraduates
INTERVIEW NOTES: Candidate seemed tired and aggravated. Stated preemptively that he “loves teaching freshman composition,” “specifically enrolled [in his doctoral program] to become a composition instructor,” “will teach the hell out of some composition.” Presented a petition allegedly signed by over 500 female students pledging to switch their majors to English, and to persuade parents to earmark significant donations for English department, if candidate is hired. Veracity of petition could not be determined.
DECISION: Offered three-year non-renewable lectureship. Candidate declined position, citing lack of job security. Has chosen instead to accept a position as the lead actor in a film about bumbling detectives, for which he will receive $15 million.

Photo by rene_berlin.

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6 Comments
  1. Tanner McSwain permalink
    August 12, 2010 \am\31 11:06 am 11:06 am

    500 female students and 1 heterosexual male grad student. Oh hell yes.

  2. August 12, 2010 \pm\31 4:54 pm 4:54 pm

    Funny, Nester.

  3. August 12, 2010 \pm\31 4:58 pm 4:58 pm

    Wasn’t me; it was Ambivalent Ricky.

  4. August 12, 2010 \pm\31 5:02 pm 5:02 pm

    Funny, Ambivalent Ricky.

  5. August 12, 2010 \pm\31 6:21 pm 6:21 pm

    Funny, Broder.

  6. Richard D. Allen permalink
    August 13, 2010 \am\31 8:10 am 8:10 am

    Funny, Riippi.

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