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Getting to know: Don Share.

October 22, 2010 \am\31 10:00 am

[In which WWAATD asks vapid questions culled from various teen magazines to non-vapid, non-teenager types.]

Full Name: Don Share
Age: What’s with the ageism?
Height: Shrinking.
Currently Live: Chicago
Hometown: Memphis
Instruments: Guitar, piano, kazoo, rubber band, desktop drum (only when impatient)
Car: I try not to drive.  As we know from Repo Man, the more you drive the stoopider you get.
Secret Talent: I can tune people out completely.

What is the best thing about your job? I get to read lots and lots of poems, and don’t have to sneak off to do it as I have had to do in other jobs.
What was your most embarrassing audition moment? I wore a crummy old tie and heavy cashmere jacket (the only dressy clothes I owned) to a job interview on the hottest day of the year.  They hired me, anyway.
If you could live in any past era which would it be and why? I wanted to live in the 50s, until Mad Men (which I’ve never seen) came along; come to think of it, I did live in the 50s.
Who is your role model and why? Delmore Schwartz, because we have the same initials, have both written poems and worked at Partisan Review, and have each been way too fascinated with rays emanating from tall buildings in Manhattan.  Maybe I should just say that my role model is Henry Rago, instead…
What do you do for fun? I read poems.  Lots and lots of poems!
Do you have a good luck charm? No, but I sleep with a radio.
Wackiest fan encounter: Let me check my email and see…
Before I die, I want to: Retire, and sit on a porch all day being cranky and scary. Or maybe just to have some cool clothes.
When I fly I have to have: Handheld electronic device du jour, analog notebook, cheap pen which I will surely lose, somebody’s collected poems, sunglasses, boarding pass, Kleenex.
If I had to spend $10 at my favorite fast food joint, I’d order: Angus wrap thingy and an orange shake.
My coolest article of clothing: Ha, I’ve never EVER had any cool clothes – ask anybody I went to high school with or was married to!
My first financial splurge was: Getting married.
When friends come over, we: Realize that we’re not really friends?
Do you like to cook? If so, what? I wish I liked to cook, but I’m afraid that my signature dish is an entire box of generic wheat thins, or maybe a bag of corn chips.  You know, Americans are actually, if you analyze them carefully, gigantic corn chips!
TV show I never miss: The Prisoner.  No, Route 66!
If you could interview any celeb whom would it be and why? Deceased ones ok?  Sidney Bechet; I’d ask him whether he liked Philip Larkin’s poems.
Anything about yourself you wish you could change? Everything. Every thing.
I’ll eat sushi, but not: Octopi.  They know a lot about soccer and seem both sensuous and intelligent.  Also the suction cups don’t want to go down when you swallow.
What are your best and worst subjects in school? Best: Study hall.  Worse: Engin. 6
If you could be granted 3 wishes, they’d be… 1.) Talk to the dead.  2.) Not annoy dead people by talking to them.  3.) I’d wish to have some cool clothes.
If I could gay-marry anyone in the world, he/she would be… Robyn Hitchcock.
Where on earth are you most dying to go? Pierre, South Dakota, for a steak dinner.
What’s the last thing that made you cry? My father, when he was dying.
Do you ever wish you could just be a normal kid? Yes. [Buries head in hands.]  I do.
What would people be surprised to know about you? They’d be surprised to know that I’m not anywhere near as nice as they think I am.
If you had to name one song as your theme song, what would it be?No More Mister Nice Guy
Have you had a starstruck Hollywood experience? Who was it with? I ran into Dustin Hoffman once: literally.  Bumped right into him!  He was very nice about it, and said, “Hiya, kid!”

Favorite Actor/Actress: Patrick McGoohan
Favorite Movie: Duel, by Steven Spielberg
Favorite Body Part: Fingers (not thumbs, however)
Favorite Singer: Peter Stampfel
Favorite Song: Whiter Shade of Pale, by Procol Harum.  I know, I know… Look, can I tell you about the reference to Chaucer in that song?  Oh, never mind.
Favorite Candy: Cherry Milk Duds.  They don’t make them anymore, and perhaps they never did.
Favorite Philospher: Descartes.  He was wrong about everything, and yet he’s still a famous philosopher!
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Cherry Garcia.  Or maybe the one with Chunk in its name.
Favorite Sport: Curling.
Favorite Sports Team: Um.
Favorite Athlete: Ummmm.
Favorite Book: Anatomy of Melancholy, by Robert Burton.  Uplifting!  No, Lorine Niedecker, The Granite Pail.
Cell Phone or iPod: iPod
Summer or Winter: Winter; fire next time.
Ice Skating or Gymnastics: I can’t even go down stairs without creaking and you ask me this?
LA or New York: New York.
Skiing or Snowboarding: Can I pick riding escalators, instead?
Chocolate or Flowers: Choc.  Why people give each other dead vegetative matter as a token of love and appreciation I’ll never understand.
Dogs or Cats: Cats.  Was it Larry McMurtry who said that dogs are the grinning, slavering rednecks of the animal kingdom? (Maybe I said it.)  I love dogs, but cats are cool.  They were put here to be useless, and to smirk at us.  Yet their contempt is often tempered with great lovingkindness.  I’m a sucker for lovingkindness.

One Comment
  1. Daniel Bosch permalink
    October 22, 2010 \pm\31 3:20 pm 3:20 pm

    What a moment! A chance to correct Don Share! The very first time I laid eyes on him he was wearing the KOOLEST leather jacket this Californian had ever seen. How soon they forget, these modest ones.

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