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Getting to know: Crystal Curry.

December 31, 2010 \am\31 10:00 am

[In which WWAATD asks vapid questions culled from various teen magazines to non-vapid, non-teenager types.]

Full Name: Crystal Lenore Curry
Age: 35
Height: 5’4”
Currently Live: Seattle, WA
Hometown: Greenville, IL
Instruments: Pouting, flattery, manipulation
Car: 1999 Subaru Legacy Outback
Secret Talent: spot-on voice imitations of Pee-Wee Herman and Popeye

What is the best thing about your job? I have lots of jobs, but the best things are that I get to know tons of useless knowledge, spend time with a baby, peddle haute cuisine and wear my pajamas.
What was your most embarrassing audition moment? Have I ever been mellow? I’ve never tried.
If you could live in any past era which would it be and why? I don’t think I could stomach anything post-Enlightenment, but I would like to live in a time before television, daily newspapers and radio. When I was a child, I’d lie in bed and dream of a phone number I could call to find out the very best cheese to put on a hamburger. That dream, the Internet, came true. Now, since I’m older, I’d like to get the sense of how big and secret the world was before mass media.
Who is your role model and why? Jesus. I’m not religious, but he was pretty tight. I would choose Thomas Jefferson, but I can’t get over that whole tender slave-owning thing. Even if he did read Tristram Shandy to his dying wife.
What do you do for fun? Listen to my kids play their instruments, feed my ever-hungry anxiety mill, watch old Sesame Street clips, benzodiazepines.
Do you have a good luck charm? I don’t think so, but before I go to throw something away that I’ve had for a long time, I always think: “Crap. What if this is my good luck charm?”
Wackiest fan encounter: After I read at Mississippi Studios on the Wave Books poetry bus, some really cool college kids who had driven for a couple of hours to see the tour wanted my autograph on their notebook pages. It was really charming and I hope they find my book.
Before I die, I want to: Ride a freight ship around the world.
When I fly I have to have: Ativan, vodka, pre-flight counseling, prayer beads, hope, updated will.
If I had to spend $10 at my favorite fast food joint, I’d order: This is a hard one. To me, fast food is junk food at independent stores. I could cycle between taco trailer burritos, banh mi, Pagliacci pizza and the Indian buffet pretty much for the rest of my life.
My coolest article of clothing: Merrell Oslo Boots in black with synthetic rabbit fur cuffs. Sold out, losers.
My first financial splurge was: An Indiana Hoosiers sweatshirt.
When friends come over, we: Look stuff up on YouTube, gossip, drink beers, make dinner, do a little dancing, talk kitchenware, the prevailing political climate and boys.
Do you like to cook? If so, what? I love to cook, both by part-time trade and by hobby. I like to braise stuff and make soups.
TV show I never miss: I long for a time in my life when I could remember what day and time a television show was on.
If you could interview any celeb whom would it be and why? Javier Bardem. This should be self-explanatory.
Anything about yourself you wish you could change? Sure – self-improvement is an omnipresent goal of mine. Often times, when I meet self-improvement goals, I feel they will need tweaking. A friend, recently reminded me of something that Tony Robbins said – “You’ll overestimate what you can do in a year, and underestimate what you can do in five years.”
I’ll eat sushi, but not: Okra.
What are your best and worst subjects in school? English, duh – and social studies. Math is hard.
If you could be granted 3 wishes, they’d be… I suppose to be really rich, that my kids and I have 10 decades to get to know each other and that the universe gives me a chance to give back for all the really great luck I’ve had.
If I could gay-marry anyone in the world, he/she would be? I suppose my friend Heather. She’s already picked out our retirement home.
Where on earth are you most dying to go? Buenos Aires – and I will, soon.
What’s the last thing that made you cry? When someone I love gathered enough anger over something stupid to dehumanize me.
Do you ever wish you could just be a normal kid? No, because I wouldn’t have ever seen anything good.
What would people be surprised to know about you? I thought William Kristol’s mouth was a little sexy until he got old dude lip.
If you had to name one song as your theme song, what would it be? D-X-L Hard White, by DMX, featuring The LOX and Drag On.
Have you had a starstruck Hollywood experience? Who was it with? I remember when my friend met Mr. T, when I was little. I was struck by proxy.

Favorite Actor/Actress: Benicio del Toro, Mia Farrow.
Favorite Movie: Rosemary’s Baby, The Swimmer, Persona, Magnolia – I have so many.
Favorite Body Part: Fingers.
Favorite Singer: Whippoorwill.
Favorite Song: Paranoid Android.
Favorite Candy: Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs.
Favorite Philospher: Walter Benjamin.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Butter Pecan.
Favorite Sport: Soccer to watch, nothing to play.
Favorite Sports Team: Leeds United.
Favorite Athlete: The weed-smoking swimmer.
Favorite Book: Larousse Gastronomique.
Cell Phone or iPod: Both.
Summer or Winter: Autumn.
Ice Skating or Gymnastics: Gymnastics.
LA or New York: New York.
Skiing or Snowboarding: Fuzzy Blanket & pot of soup.
Chocolate or Flowers: Sex.
Dogs or Cats: I find animals domesticated for uses other than farm work somewhat creepy.

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