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We who are about to tweet: @daniel_bailey.

June 27, 2011 \pm\30 5:00 pm

[In which we find out the Twitter philosophies of my most beloved follows.]

Twitter username: @daniel_bailey
Real name: Daniel Bailey
Recent memorable tweet: “spacious 1 br apartment for rent in a good neighborhood. location: my butt”

How often do you tweet? Do you limit yourself to a number of tweets per day, or to a certain time of day? Any other OCD-like tweeting tendencies?

I usually tweet at least once a day when my butt is in the right alignment with God and the stars. Sometimes I just tweet one tweet at a time. Other times I like to rapidfire tweet because my tweet organ is more active and nimble. I like to tweet in the afternoon when I’m bored and trying to do work. I like to tweet late at night when I’m alone and I’m looking at my twitter picture and trying to imagine what is going on inside that little head on my screen. Sometimes I think of tweets while I’m driving and then I have to memorize them so I can type them up when I get home or when get to a long traffic light where I can text my tweet.

What is your ‘follow’ philosophy? Do you follow everyone who follows you? Do you follow celebrities, lit mags, ex-boyfriends?

I only follow people that I think tweet interesting or awesome things. Although, sometimes I follow people not because they tweet awesome or interesting things but because they’re my friends and I’m too polite to not follow them, but that’s not usually a problem because my friends are funny people. I don’t think there’s any obligation to follow someone just because they follow you.

I follow a few celebrities. Mostly NBA players (Ron Artest and Ty Lawson are good ones. I like Serge Ibaka because he tweets every tweet in three different languages. Kevin Durant is great because he has the best twitter bio of all time: I’M ME, I DO ME, AND I CHILL) and celebrities who tweet weird shit like Mike Tyson (who once tweeted nothing but a link to the wikipedia page on Phalanx formation), Zak Bagans (from Ghost Adventures) is funny and weird and obsessed with his obsessions. There are some good rapper twitters. I really like Ghostface Killah’s tweet essays. Tyler, the Creator is entertaining. I don’t know. I wish ODB were alive to tweet. Errol Morris (not a rapper) also has really great, weird, thoughtful tweets. Jesse Camp’s twitter is funny and depressing, though I don’t know if it’s actually him. He seems really drugged out and sad.

I don’t usually follow lit mags because I know that I’m going to see whatever announcements they have on HTML Giant or Facebook or wherever and I also don’t really see why any non-human entity would ever need a twitter. They should just make a page on Facebook instead of using twitter space to tweet announcements that get endlessly retweeted as if the retweeters are actually going to gain something from retweeting them. Endless retweeting is a bane on twitter. The worst twitter accounts are run by people who see social media as the “new thing,” or a way to “spread information.” I’d like to see people use twitter as a new form of writing rather than a form of social media. Social media, or whatever the fuck you want to label it, means “people trying to get things from other people.” Whether it be followers (ego) or some sort of in that will maybe help them get a story or poem published or whatever. There’s no joy in that. There’s nothing social about social media the way that it’s used by companies or organizations. Tweeting should only be done by those who see tweeting as saying something that is worth saying. A good tweet comes fully formed much like a poem or story. It is hard-thought and felt by the tweeter.

But yeah, I see most lit journals using twitter in a way that adds nothing to the internet and nothing of worth to my twitter feed, which I prefer to filled with insight and humor.

I think there are also reality tweeters who see the tweet as a document of life, which is cool. As long as it’s done honestly it’s interesting, as long as it’s done in a way that celebrates the reality tweeted. It’s an old argument, but no one gives a shit what you’re eating at what restaurant unless it’s made into a tweet that illuminates that experience in some way.

I will not follow anyone who doesn’t respect the tweet.

What is your @ philosophy? Do you tweet people back, engage in ‘chit chat,’ become annoyed when others do?

I have nothing against the @. I just don’t use it a lot. I’ll tweet back at people if I have something interesting to say. I’m not a huge fan of ‘chit chat’ showing up on my feed, which is why I’ve unfollowed a lot of rappers or NBA players who retweet every time they tweet back at someone. I just followed JR Smith last night and unfollowed him immediately because of this. I was excited to see that JR was back on twitter because he’s an interesting dude, but I can’t handle all that chit chat. It’s like sitting at a table with people who are having a conversation that I’m not allowed to even participate in.

As far as retweets go, I like to retweet tweets that I find funny or interesting or weird. Mostly, they have to be funny, whether on purpose or accidentally funny.

What is your #hashtag philosophy?

I hate hashtags when used to promote. It seems pointless. It dilutes the tweet. I think people use hashtags hoping they’ll show up in a TT and someone will see their tweet and think it’s brilliant and then they’ll gain a bunch of new followers and life will be better. That’s not true. Some of my best tweets have lost me followers. Caring about follower numbers is bad for tweeting.

I’m indifferent to when people use hashtags as joke categories. For example, #describeyourpeniswithamovietitle. And then they say a movie title and the hashtag makes it funny sometimes. I don’t know. Maybe it’s fun. I don’t know what fun is because I wasn’t born in a manger. Fun to me is keeping it real and not trying to be fun.

Do you obsess about number of: followers / retweets / favorites / unfollows / other?

Not really. I mean it’s always nice to see that you have new followers and that maybe your recent tweets or tweet kicked ass, but I know that a few of those followers are people who only followed me because they want something from me (Colorado realtors for example or the Denver Post because I mentioned the Nuggets in a tweet). Lately my number of followers has been hovering around the 310 mark, which is fine. I gain a couple and then I lose a couple. A few days ago I tweeted “nothing’s happening folks” and I think that lost me a few followers even though I think that’s a pretty funny tweet. That’s how it’ll always be. I have no idea how I accumulated 310 followers. Sometimes I feel like I’m living a world where I’m the only person who exists, which makes it nice to see that others have acknowledged my existence through following me or retweeting me or something. I’m torn. I feel like Natalie Imbruglia.

So yeah, retweets and fav’s are cool. I admit to checking favstar. It is just a way of feeling like I’m using twitter in a positive way. People are digging my shit.

How do you think you come across to your followers? How would you like to come across?

Even though I mentioned the humanity of twitter and feeling like a human being or wanting to feel like I’m seeing the human element of every tweeter, I want my tweets to betray my humanity. I want people to view me as some other kind of entity that is typing from afar. I think that’s how I feel about my poetry as well. I don’t live inside my body. I don’t live on the earth. And maybe I don’t even live. The really difficult thing about living is that I have no other option but to live as a human being, and that seems restrictive. I want to experience life in other ways and sometimes typing a tweet makes me feel like I’m not typing from my own body but from some other existence.

I don’t know how my followers perceive me. They probably think I’m funny and weird. They probably think I live inside a baby, which is what I want them to think.

What do you want people to remember about your Twitter account?

I want people to be automatically reminded of me via their twitter feed.

  1. June 27, 2011 \pm\30 6:45 pm 6:45 pm

    “A good tweet comes fully formed much like a poem or story. It is hard-thought and felt by the tweeter.” —>

    “spacious 1 br apartment for rent in a good neighborhood. location: my butt”


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