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Getting to know: Jill Alexander Essbaum.

August 26, 2011 \am\31 11:11 am

Can she bake a rhubarb pie? Yes. Yes, she can.

[In which WWAATD asks vapid questions culled from various teen magazines to non-vapid, non-teenager types.]

Full Name: (all my names, birth and marrieds) Tiffany Jill Schulz Thomas Alexander Essbaum (first time to admit that publicly!)

Age: 39 and some change

Height: 5 10

Currently Live: Austin, TX

Hometown: Bay City, Missouri City, Alvin, all Texas

Instruments: Trombone! (hs band– and I was goooooood)

Car: Ford F150 pick-up truck. Black. What I have instead of a penis.

Secret Talent: I can recite the entire (all three) Jive scenes from Airplane!, not just the Barbara Billingsly bit that everyone knows.

What is the best thing about your job? I work with more amazing and hilarious people than you can imagine.

What was your most embarrassing audition moment? In a dream, I sang “Suspicious Minds” for Simon Cowell and I failed.

If you could live in any past era which would it be and why? 1920s. Bathtub gin!

Who is your role model and why? Nick Cave is my animus. Richard Feynman is a role model because he thought laterally and followed his passions and he was smart as fuck. Jesus because he is my lord.

What do you do for fun? I have a passion for old time radio programs.

Do you have a good luck charm? Yes, but I can’t reveal it.

Wackiest fan encounter: I’ve had poetry stalkers.

Before I die, I want to: A. Not die B. Win an Academy Award.

When I fly I have to have: My lucky unnamable charms, my antique crucifix, Ambien

If I had to spend $10 at my favorite fast food joint, I’d order: I don’t eat fast food.

My coolest article of clothing: I loved my wisp-thin poncho but I gave it to Susana Gardner (no regrets!). I have a pair of fuck-me boots.

My first financial splurge was: Not that long ago: a Nespresso machine.

When friends come over, we: Drink coffee, chat, and depending on the friend, make out.

Do you like to cook? If so, what? Yes. I baked 4 rhubarb pies the other day. All different recipes.

TV show I never miss: The Office.

If you could interview any celeb whom would it be and why? Nick Cave because I love him.

Anything about yourself you wish you could change? I wish I could sing and have firm abs.

I’ll eat sushi, but not: Pussy.

What are your best and worst subjects in school? Best: Band, Math, French (with French at the top).

If you could be granted 3 wishes, they’d be… That orphans find good parents. That no one would ever die. That the world would be redeemed.

If I could gay-marry anyone in the world, he/she would be… Um, Angelina!!!

Where on earth are you most dying to go? Right now, back to Switzerland, where I learned what despair was.

What’s the last thing that made you cry? Love.

Do you ever wish you could just be a normal kid? Nope.

What would people be surprised to know about you? I am shy.

If you had to name one song as your theme song, what would it be? “Lucky Lips,” Ruth Brown

Have you had a starstruck Hollywood experience? Who was it with? I met Nick at the Brussels airport. He called me a Harlot (<– No Tell Book Title!!!) from the stage in Berlin two weeks later.


Favorite Actor/Actress: Steve McQueen hands down / Jennifer Aniston

Favorite Movie: The Graduate

Favorite Body Part: Of mine? Legs and nose. Of else’s? Take a gander at the cover of my book Harlot.

Favorite Singer: Nick, PJ, Sivert Høyem (lead of now-defunct Norwegian band Madrugada), Freddy Fender, Jacques Brel, Leonard Cohen, Amy Winehouse (RIP, Deahreart)

Favorite Song: “Hands Up, I Love You,” Madrugada”; “Delirious Love,” Neil Diamond; “Stagger Lee,” Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds; “The Desperate Kingdom of Love,” PJ Harvey; “Still Loving You,” Scorpions; “The Wanderer,” Dion

Favorite Candy: Candy Corn

Favorite Philospher: Voltaire, Descartes

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: I don’t eat ice cream but when I did, Butter Pecan

Favorite Sport: College Hoops, Biathalon

Favorite Sports Team: UVA Cavs

Favorite Athlete: Boris Becker

Favorite Book: The Secret History, Donna Tartt

Cell Phone or iPod: iPod

Summer or Winter: Winter

Ice Skating or Gymnastics: Curling

LA or New York: Chicago

Skiing or Snowboarding: Woof

Chocolate or Flowers: Jewelry

Dogs or Cats: Cats

  1. August 26, 2011 \pm\31 1:59 pm 1:59 pm

    I saw Harlot at West Chester a year or so ago and said, “What the hell?” I thought about getting a copy (the poetry looked good), but decided I could not spend that money. Now I’m certain I’ll get a copy to read.


  2. Jess permalink
    August 27, 2011 \am\31 11:49 am 11:49 am

    My Jilly is funny. And smart!

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