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Five exchanges that never took place on “The Wire.”

August 29, 2011 \pm\31 2:49 pm

1.

Policeman #1
I haven’t seen this much commotion since Fat Paddy McClane threw Hessian Pete’s wooden leg onto the field at Memorial Stadium! Remember that?

Policeman #2
No, because I don’t have an encyclopedic memory of every time a white person played a prank in this town.

2.

Politician
I’m not originally from Baltimore.

Voters
That’s OK, we’re mostly just interested in your positions on the issues.

3.

Rich Guy
Bring me more expensive lobster to eat while the poor and the working class sweat and suffer.

Waiter
With pleasure. Despite your boorish attitude, your patronage keeps many people in this area employed.

4.

White-Collar Professional With Blue-Collar Roots #1
You might see me rubbin’ elbows with the Sanitation Commissioner and the Park Police, but I’m still a vinegar-swilling Bohunk from Frimmerfram Avenue. Remember Frimmerfram Avenue? Right between the munitions dump and the landfill. My dad sold ether-soaked rags from a cart on the corner of Frimmerfram and Fuckworth.

White-Collar Professional With Blue-Collar Roots #2
Sounds like an awful, dangerous place.

White-Collar Professional With Blue-Collar Roots #1
Yeah, who am I kidding. God, good riddance to it.

5.

Drug Dealer #1
Man, back in school they used to talk about the American pie, you know? They baked it in that melting pot. But in reality, man, we ain’t get no pie. We just the ones that’s got to wash the pie pan after everybody else eat. And that crust is baked on.

Drug Dealer #2
Can you please shut the fuck up for a minute? I’m trying to sell these drugs.

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One Comment
  1. Brooklyn permalink
    August 29, 2011 \pm\31 7:56 pm 7:56 pm

    Re: #s 1 and 5: see. It’s not just me. There IS a reason my mind drops the same intellectual net when I’m watching The Wire as it does when I’m watching Gilmore Girls.

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