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Unedited thoughts re: I LOVE MUSIC by Stephen Tully Dierks + Steve Roggenbuck.

October 5, 2011 \pm\31 12:00 pm

I LOVE MUSIC is a bunch of poems set in red and blue (presumably one is steve and one stephen) it furthers what i’ve heard steve sometimes say is his thing, that like, everything can be poetry, everything can be literature, so this feels like a curated set of texts and emails between a couple of young bros starting life, trying to understand what is life? but not being precious about it, like wearing their best shirt to a fancy dinner and having a food fight and fucking it up with a big old ketchup stain and not really feeling bad about it, but definitely acknowledging that like, there’s a big red splotch on the nice white shirt that was a good dress shirt and is now stained and that’s okay. because they haven’t been hurt probably all that much yet (that’s a bit patronizing ani). there’s a lot of imagery in which the writer asks the reader to do shit to him, to cut and somehow hurt him especially his penis, not in a masochistic, sexual fetish sort of way, but more as a sort of acceptance that this is how it’s going to be, that people are going to hurt you, and it’s something that i’ve seen them do before and that i’ve enjoyed but it seemed — maybe because of the collaboration between bros, or maybe it’s just at the forefront of their consciousness at this moment — to come out a lot more in this e-book.

there at times seems to be a wisdom further than their years and a sense of humor wizened and surprising. i don’t want to say which is which but i think i recognize stephen from steve. i think stephen’s voice feels a little more fully formed to me, a little more serious (not in a bad way) and confident in itself, whereas steve’s voice feels to me to be probing, like when children push to test limits, feeling out the world around them (i could be totally projecting shit onto the e-book or piecing together what little i know about them from facebook, twitter, etc.)


so i couldn’t resist and just asked stephen on FB and i got them totally backwards (re: which color is which writer, which is what my insightful little character assessment above was based on) so that shows what i know, but still, it was interesting to think about

just wrote stephen the following in FB:

haha here is something funny: when i asked you that i was sitting right on a page that was all in [one color] in which the writer addresses ‘stephen’ so clearly that was steve heh

so many times when i write people emails or texts or FB messages i feel so excited, i think ‘this would be a great something to share with others’ but it’s so quick and ephemeral and feels so ‘off the cuff’ or whatever it’s almost hard to take yourself seriously when you think shit like that, it’s like you feel like, yeah i’m a writer, my shit don’t stink, people’ll be collecting my post-it notes and shit i threw up on napkins for years to come — and what is that? what is all that shit-talk? it’s you shit-talking you is all, instead of being young and free (maybe a little naive?) like steve and stephen and just doing what comes natural and feels good and putting it out there because we can and isn’t that what youth is.

i lol’d genuinely:

i would be curious to know (but i am not going to ask, or maybe i will?) how much and how this was edited but whenever i think of asking questions like that i feel like i am in a little way shitting on the writing. like does it matter whether it was transcribed directly from an actual text message or completely made up and heavily ‘crafted’ or whatever? it mostly does not matter to me except when i think of it in my role as writer instead of just me as reader, receiver of a thing.

like e.g. sometimes i see shit like this:

and it makes me feel good for a minute and then in the next minute i think, is this ironic? and then my enjoyment of it is lessened. i should not care if i am being ‘duped’ as reader but i do get that feeling? if i enjoyed it sincerely then i should enjoy it sincerely and i do, enjoy it, sincerely, i think i’d rather it be sincere than not, but again, that is thinking from the ‘writer’s’ side. as reader i’m free to think and feel what i want and what i feel is that this e-book is true, sweet, lovely and kind and funny and it makes me nostalgic for a time before i’d fucked a lot of people, been fucked by a lot of people but still knew things and felt like a ‘sense of impending doom’ like a shadow forecasting no foreboding everything to come and how fragile i am and life, how i don’t understand any of it but just know i have to keep living and making fun because what else is there.

  1. October 5, 2011 \pm\31 12:45 pm 12:45 pm

    thank you, Ani =) i enjoyed reading this.

  2. October 5, 2011 \pm\31 1:30 pm 1:30 pm

    yay :) youre cool ani
    thanks from me too

  3. October 5, 2011 \pm\31 2:09 pm 2:09 pm

    you’re welcome stephen, you’re welcome steve x


  1. down in me » things i wrote lately not here.

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