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Getting to know: Suzette Mayr.

October 21, 2011 \pm\31 6:00 pm

[In which WWAATD asks vapid questions culled from various teen magazines to non-vapid, non-teenager types.]

Full Name: Suzette R. V. Mayr

Age: 43

Height: 5’7”

Currently Live: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Hometown: Calgary, Alberta

Instruments: Tap shoes

Car: Blue

Secret Talent: I can turn my friends’ heartbreaking “Dear John” and “Dear Johnette” letters into collage visual art.

What is the best thing about your job? I can get up when I want.

Who is your role model and why? Mary Shelley. Because she could turn a hangover into a masterpiece.

What do you do for fun? Recover from hangovers.

Do you have a good luck charm? My lucky condom.

Wackiest fan encounter: Some guy once said to me that my first book was against god, but that he liked the book anyway.

Before I die, I want to: Play squash with god and like it anyway.

When I fly I have to have: Wings?

If I had to spend $10 at my favorite fast food joint, I’d order: Poutine

My coolest article of clothing: My pink underwear that has “This is what a feminist looks like” printed across the ass.

My first financial splurge was: Two fistfuls of Mojo candies.

When friends come over, we: Have people in our house?

Do you like to cook? If so, what? The books. Ha ha!

TV show I never miss: The Carol Burnett Show

If you could interview any celeb who would it be and why? The drag queen who threw the first punch at the Stonewall riots.

If you could be granted 3 wishes, they’d be… I wish I could be a normal kid. I wish I could be a normal kid. I wish I could be a normal kid.

If I could gay-marry anyone in the world, he/she would be… My wife just said “You’re already gay-married! Jesus Christ, don’t insult me!” (But if I could gay-marry someone besides my wife I would gay-marry Eric Northman. Oh yes.)

What’s the last thing that made you cry? My gay wedding.

Do you ever wish you could just be a normal kid? See 3 questions ago.

What would people be surprised to know about you? That I’m not in high school?

If you had to name one song as your theme song, what would it be?MacArthur Park

Have you had a starstruck Hollywood experience? Who was it with? My friend Nicole was in a Los Angeles mall and she saw Dr. Horrible on an escalator. Except he was Doogie Howser, M.D. back then. Then she told me about it. Does this count?

FAVORITES

Favorite Actor/Actress: Doogie Howser, M.D., of course

Favorite Movie: I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing

Favorite Body Part: My penis?

Favorite Singer: Richard Harris singing “MacArthur Park”

Favorite Song: “Age of Bloom” (aka “The Best of Our Times”)

Favorite Candy: Mozart Balls (but they have to be fresh, otherwise forget it)

Favorite Philosopher: Oscar Wilde

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Rocky Road

Favorite Sport: Squash

Favorite Sports Team: Canadian Women’s Hockey Team

Favorite Athlete: Hayley Wickenheiser

Cell Phone or iPod: Cell phone for one more month.

Summer or Winter: Summer!

Ice Skating or Gymnastics: Ice skating

LA or New York: Nelson, BC

Skiing or Snowboarding: Yikes.

Chocolate or Flowers: Depends on the time of the month.

Dogs or Cats: Sidereal bats


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