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The mystery of Steve Thunderbolt.

February 11, 2012 \pm\29 1:49 pm

Gawker is calling it the “greatest classified ad of all time“: chubby, bespectacled Seattle-area guitarist and “ex-Mudslide frontman, the great Steve Thunderbolt,” seeks bassist and drummer to assist him in an unholy quest to combine, in one band, glam, thrash, and black metal. “The only band in the history of heavy metal who has ever attempted this was Celtic Frost,” he explains. Oh, and by the way, no black people allowed. It’s a “safety issue,” he says. He ends with four pictures of himself in various metal poses, like so.

Now, I’ve been on the Internet for a few years now at this point, and I know trolling when I see it. Surely Steve Thunderbolt is not a real person, nor is Mudslide, whose albums include “Secret Right to Rock and Roll Reloaded,” “Dragonfly of Passion,” and “Chai House Live,” a real band. Right?

Wrong.

A Google search reveals this Youtube video, posted over two years ago, of a Seattle band named Mudslide playing a song called “It’s Out of Control.” It is metal, and it is awful.

The Youtube post points viewers to "Mudsliderockandroll.com," which is down, but a Whois search reveals it is registered to one Kevin Schultz of Seattle. A search for Kevin Schultz leads to a CDBaby page for Mudslide, where you can listen to and purchase albums such as City of Gold and Lead and Four Anvils, and learn Mudslide facts like “[Four Anvils] is very hot on guitar,” “Kevin is single and looking for that special girl,” and “Steve’s always looking for a date if you’re good looking and willing to party.”

One of “Kevin’s friends from work” even stops by to explain the greater significance of Mudslide’s music:

Mudslide helped invent the rock and roll scene in Seattle along with those bands like Soundgarten, Mudhoney and Nirvana.

In an amazing coincidence, “Kevin’s friend from work” is also named Kevin Schultz.

A 2008 Seattle Weekly profile of Mudslide fills in a few more puzzle pieces, including that Steve Thunderbolt’s real name is Steven Koenigsburg; that his stage presence is “reminiscent of Daniel Johnston, mixed with the rock-and-roll swagger of David Lee Roth”; and that according to Schultz, Mudslide’s drummer and sole original member, Mudslide has existed in various incarnations since 1980, before Steve Thunderbolt was even born.

Just when it seems the mystery of Steve Thunderbolt has been solved, things get even weirder. Some more Internet searching reveals that he has also recorded a number of rap songs in concert with an Internet parody rapper named Rappy McRapperson, under the aliases “the Bomb” or “the Bombfather.” McRapperson even posted one of “the Bomb”‘s solo efforts, “I Got the Hook-Up,” in Youtube, calling Thunderbolt “the white Wesley Willis.”

In “I Got the Hook-Up,” our friend Thunderbolt, a white metalhead who makes rap songs but doesn’t like black people, reveals that he is at least “down with the Mexicans,” and exhibits a disturbingly high level of street knowledge, going into great detail about buying cocaine from them in restrooms: “The Mexican exits and I do the same / and then pretty soon I’ll have coke in my brain.”

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